Day 1 Your Best Friend

Dear Best Friend,

Well, it's hard to write to you. You're not really my best friend anymore, are you? I somtimes wonder if I have one anymore. There are some friends of mine that I'd like very much to call my best friend. They're great friends, so great I cannot even begin to thank them enough; however, all they do is talk. No one listens. If given the chance to talk, I don't think I'd be able to talk to them like I talked to you.

I miss those days we had. Excuse me, that summer we had. I think it's the longest I've been myself since the masking all started. I can't thank you enough for helping me start to be who I want. That person was created with you, by your side as we sat slaphappy from six at night until six in the morning. In a way, I found myself with you. Found, I haven't gotten used to wearing her skin again yet, but she's there.

I wish so badly that we hadn't had that fight. You know how my memory has deteriorated and I can't remember what it was about, but I'm sure it was silly. It wasn't worth it, honestly. I'm sorry for all of those things I called you, I was only meaning to hurt you and it really wasn't right. I'm different than I used to be, sure, but I have and still do struggle with my short temper. My moods are impulsive and rash and I've caused a lot of trouble with it in my past. Right now, I'm working on that and have decided that the past is the past and, while it's fine to visit, you can't live there. I hope that, even if you don't accept that view as your own, that you'll try to understand that that's just how my mind works. I forget so easily and the pain and hurt is gone almost instantly. I don't understand your constant hurt or why people can stay upset for so long. I don't work that way. I want so badly to hug you and laugh wtih you like we used to, but your family scares me and your friends are so protective that I'm afraid it'll end up hurting you in the end.

If you wondered, I'm doing fine now. I've made some new friends and I'm trying so hard to branch out like I used to. It still scares me and it's had it's painful moments, but all in all it's doing wonders. I don't ask, but I always wonder how you are and what's going on in your life. I feel like I've been cut off for so long that I'll never be a part of it again. At least, not so intricately intertwined as I was. Yin and yang, that's what we were. Now? I'm not so sure what we are. I want that person that keeps me stable again, but I don't know. If I never find that person again, will I fall and not be able to stand? It bothers me, but I'll live.

Anyways, I think I've babbled enough.

Sincerely,
Secret